Finding myself If I can so can you

Psalms 139:16 ” Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” NIV

It has truly been a journey seeking my purpose in God. Frustration and disappointment would often set in as I tried to fit into my different roles in life. I tried to accomplish many things that I felt would make me feel purposeful, important, but in reality only exhausted me and confused my focus on what God was trying to teach me.

Things like who He is, His thoughts towards me, and His equipping of me to do His will.

My early 20’s I struggled with being a young single mother in the body of Christ. I felt so many conflicting feelings, and most importantly I felt like I had let my parents, myself and God down. One moment of rebellion in my eyes ended so many dreams. This life changing event could not of been in God’s plans. How could I ever accomplish my goals educationally? How could I travel? How could I support the baby? I even aimed my frustration toward the Lord. Lord how could you let me get pregnant? When so many other girls my age had been intimate with people for years.

I know the nerve of me but who else could I blame.

Yes I thought that, and if your honest you’ve had days like that. When your consequences for rebellion was exposed publicly. The same thought came to your mind.

I want to give you a thought. He knew, He cared and that is why He allowed the opportunity for correction.

Looking back Psalms 139:16 puts a smile on my face.

God knew I would rebel; He also provided teachable moments for me to learn from the experience. Motherhood was always His plan for me. I jumped ahead, but that never changed His thoughts toward me for a future and hope. Let me give you example of how God reveals that he doesn’t give up on His established plan for us.

My daughter and I were riding on the infamous parkway east in Pittsburgh approaching the lovely Squirrel Hill tunnels where traffic is always a gaurantee. I don’t remember where we were going this day, but I remember she was in the front passenger seat, and we were singing and sharing a rare moment of mother-daughter time when she turned to me and said ” mom thanks for keeping me”.

Thanks for keeping me just kept going through my mind.

Here my daughter was a child speaking encouraging words to me. The rebellious selfish 20 something young lady who thought she was too far away from God and had messed up too much for Him to ever care about my future. I knew that my daughter’s words came from God.

God used my daughter to remind me of Psalms 139:16 and Jeremiah 29:11. How great is His thoughts towards us.

Jeremiah 29:11 – “For I know the thoughts I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” NKJ

I confess it has taken me over 30 years in an around the presence of God to finally set aside my selfish ambitions and truly trust His promises that David, Isaiah, Paul and so many others recorded for me to read, recite and remember.

God is in the profession of establishing our purpose. God is in the business of establishing your purpose and mine before we were even a thought.

So have I figured out my purpose? Yes to seek his kingdom first and as I trust in Him; He will direct my path.

The fun part in walking in God’s established purpose for you is seeing how He’ll use you once you step out in faith.  That”s exciting!!!

God did answer questions for me even though I rebelled.

He wants to answer your questions also? What dream have you thought impossible? What support are you seeking that you haven’t received? Have a conversation with Him.

Memory Verses: Psalms 139:16 ” Your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” NIV

Jeremiah 29:11 – ” For I know the thoughts I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.” NKJ

Prayer: Dear Lord thank you for thinking of me and establishing a hope and future for me. Forgive me for doubting and rebelling when Your word says that You have established my days and promised a hope and a future for me. Amen.